Things I'll gladly leave behind

Here is the 4th and final part of my series on things I love and love a little less about Canada and Australia.


Houses with no insulation or sound barrier to other rooms or the outside

The 11 most venomous snakes in the world and 20 of the 22 most venomous

Wide selection of poisonous spiders

Slow walkers. It took only two weeks after my knee operation before I was walking faster than the average Aussie. I’m sorry, but when I go shopping, I have a destination in mind. I’m not too interested in going slow to see all the scenery in the center of the shopping center hallway. There’s not that much to see! Now to be fair, I have found one other place where people walked this slowly. Uganda.

Vegemite – Imagine a bit of yeast mixed with lots of salt, some (rotten) vegetables, and some other disgusting compound that gives it a definite brown colour, and you have the worst “food” I’ve ever tasted

The word “Quality” not being in the dictionary

Trolleys (shopping carts) with 4 turning wheels – especially bad on slopes

A postal service that calculates shipping time by walking the route, walking the return route, finding the total number of minutes, then labelling it days instead of minutes (ie. A distance that takes 20 minutes to walk – 40 minutes return – may take 40 days for delivery in Australia). I’m still waiting for one package that was sent from oversees (express post) at the beginning of Sept. I’m also waiting for an envelope that was sent on Oct 15 from just down the street (a 20 minute walk).

UV index so high that skin burns on just the thought of going in the sun

3 other guys in my house – ok, they’re good guys, but I’ll gladly trade them in for one woman, but only one certain woman and only after the right ring is on her left hand.

Houses with paper thin walls and saran wrap windows

The neighbour’s annoying dogs

All those mosquitoes – NOT - I don’t know what’s wrong with Aussies that they think they have so many mossies! I increased my count this weekend by 28.6%. From August 25, 2006 till November 9, 2008 I have now encountered a grand total of 9 mosquitoes. Yes, I counted! Having been warned in advance of the number of these bloodsucking pests, I thought they would be a force to recon with. When I didn’t find any, I started noticing the odd occasion when they did show up

Being asked constantly if I’m Irish – by people who have never even met anyone from Ireland!

“A” being pronounced “r” and “r” pronounced as “a”. This rule is especially true if the “r” is at the end of a word and the next word starts with a vowel. This probably needs some explanation so here are some examples
· Hosanna = Hosanner
· Paper = papa
· Darling Harbour = Daaling haaba
· Colour = Coula
· From a radio advert – Paramatta accountants = Parammaterrr accountants
· More = moa


People being amazed that I say “house” not “hoose”. This is usually followed by the comment that all Canadians say “hoose” and that’s why I must be Irish. I usually respond that since the person telling me this has heard only a few Canadians speak and I have heard many thousands speak, I would be a little more knowledgeable in matters relating to Canadians' way of speaking and we do NOT pronounce it “hoose”


Oh, the joys of living in another culture! Even so, I’m a better man for it. I’m looking forward to being home, but have to admit, I’ll miss this place. Especially every winter. I hope this series has given you a little extra insight into our cultural differences and you've been able to have a little laugh or two along the way. I'm sure anyone who has spent a week or more in Australia can relate to at least some of my points in this series. For the rest of you, it should help you prepare for any future visit you plan. Happy travels! See you soon in my homeland (and the greatest nation on Earth!!!)