Caring Corner with the Crazy Cuc...

As part of one of my new responsibilities, I’ve been asked to provide an article to help people care for others better. I put together my first instalment and liked it so much, I thought I’d put it up here too. What’s wrong with liking something I’ve put together? Here it is (with slight modifications to suit the audience).


Take out a soda or other beverage of your choice, grab a bag of chips or some other snack, turn off the telephone and disconnect the doorbell. Relieve yourself in the throne room and put a "Do not disturb" sign on your door. Adjust the lighting in the room, and get comfortable in your favourite chair. Make sure you're ready to stay for a while. Then take out that book. It's going to draw you in and you won't want to leave for a long while. It may be a mystery, an action adventure, or maybe a love story. There may be history. It may touch on some present reality. It may even stir some great dreams for the future. But you know it's going to be good. Virtually anyone can enjoy reading a good book - although I have to admit I'd rather watch the movie - but the point is, we can sit and soak in what's coming our way.

My wife, who's now passed away and gone to the only One who loved her more than I, used to regularly say to me "You read me like a book!" and she was right. From the week after we met and she decided I was worth a second look, through our dating time, engagement, marriage, and on to her death 9 ½ years later, there was nothing she could keep from me for long - "surprise" birthday parties, valentines gifts, weekend specials. I almost always knew what was going on inside of her. And I believe that's the way it was meant to be. Only recently though did I realize why I was able to do this.

According to John Maxwell, one of the great leadership trainers in the world today, somewhere over 80% of people feel they are good listeners, but a much smaller percentage actually are. Apparently only about 5% of people are truly great listeners!

Now, I'm sure not many people would read a book and watch a movie at the same time expecting to get everything out of both. You wouldn't study for an exam while chatting with your friends about the party the night before and expect to recall much of what you studied. Most of us would agree it's not wise to eat a bowl of cereal for breakfast while behind the wheel on the way to work or school. Yet we continually let distractions in when we are talking with someone. We look around instead of at the person even though body language is at least 80% of communication. Something they say triggers a thought in us and we just have to get it out before we forget it and we interrupt the person to do so. We watch the dance class running laps around the Convention Center instead of focusing on the meeting at hand (ok, it was fun to see their response when you showed them the doughnut in your hand, but I just couldn't resist putting it in here). Some of us pay so little attention to others in a conversation that we don't even notice when they leave the room. That's right, a two person conversation with only one present. I tried it one day at work and the poor girl kept talking for almost five minutes after I had left - and there was no one else in the room!!! It was quite the interesting site through the window in my office. We ask someone a question about themselves but then don't give them a chance to answer; and the next time we ask, they won't.

Think back to the last conversation you had. Can you remember something significant about the person you were talking with? Who was the last person you met for the first time? Do you remember their name? Or where they're from? What about other significant parts of their life?

When we listen to someone we are placing value on them. We are saying we care; and we're saying it in a much more powerful way than we ever could with words. Have trouble starting a conversation? Ask the other person about themselves. For the average person, there's no more interesting topic. Don't know what to ask? Start with a pet. I remember a conversation I had with someone who didn't believe me when I told her this worked; so I asked what her favourite pet was. This led to more questions and discussion and even though we stayed on the topic of pets, 10 minutes later, I was able to tell her things about herself that she thought she had never told anyone before. The thing is she had; they just weren't listening.

I believe everyone is an open book waiting, and usually wanting, to be read; and someone with good listening skills is in a prime position to start reading. Problem is, too many of us would rather watch the movie.