Here I go again...

I wish this wasn’t the case, but it is. I wish I was past it already, but I’m not. I wish I hadn’t been put in the position in the first place, but I was. I wish I could deal with it alone, but I can’t. I’m being forced to think through my past due to some classes and assignments. In my counselling class, we’re talking about grief for a few weeks. Yea! After that we’re moving on to depression – easily done after enough grief! And I basically feel like the in-house expert on the topic. This all brings me to a point of concern in my life. A few years ago, I had Jean convinced that it would be a good idea to go on an Alaskan cruise. We didn’t tell a lot of people but we had thought it would be a good way to celebrate our tenth anniversary. Rather than being on that cruise with her, she’s now in heaven and I’m in the next best place – ok, maybe Australia isn’t quite that good, but it is a great place. Anyways, my tenth anniversary would be October 4th this year. I’m looking for somewhere to go during this time because it also happens to be a school holiday. I wish grief didn’t affect me anymore but that’s not the way grief works and I’m starting to deal with it all now again as the special date comes up. So I’ll put out the petition again. Please pray. God has always been faithful in the past and I know He will be again, but I could use a little help in this.

Happy Birthday!!!

“Happy Birthday Larry!” That’s been the major theme of the last three days for me. Due to APEC meetings and world leaders from 21 countries coming to Sydney, Friday was declared a state holiday. There were so many security measures put in place that half the Sydney population wouldn’t be able to get to work and many more would need twice the time and be subject to random searches if they ventured out (ok, not quite that bad, but you get the point…The last time APEC was hosted by Canada was before the attack on the trade center on Sept 11, and we had to pull troops out of Afghanistan to cover the requirements of military presence around the “Remote location” chosen for the meetings; so you can imagine the level of security after Sept 11 and in the heart of a major harbour city).

So what does that have to do with my birthday? Having a holiday provided a whole day to celebrate, so I did. Between three different groups of people suggesting various – and partially overlapping – ideas, I had to co-ordinate my time with my friends. I ended up going for breakfast with some, having some over for games and movies in the afternoon, and going out with some in the evening. Some friends were present at two of the three activities. Doing all this on Friday was great but also created some confusion because people assumed my birthday was Friday. Well, on Saturday, I went out after church with a few more people and was treated to another rousing rendition of the classic song and another chocolate cake. This time they had the date right. Now on Sunday, I’ve been blessed by a few more. It’s been great.

I was debating for the last week if I’d set anything up for my birthday – as is the custom around here; and decided that some of the people I would invite would set something up anyways if I didn’t, so I left it to them and they didn’t disappoint. They did have some help as I sent out a text message to a few people and updated my status on facebook to beg for attention. Then, adding to my efforts and all the confusion was an effort someone else made to make sure I wouldn’t be forgotten. Some people found out via email about this day and made sure they passed it on to others. The only problem is that in addition to the confusion from my Friday activities, some of them were told my birthday was Sunday. Oops. Whoever would have thought that my own sister – the one who basically figures any man she dates has to consider me his best friend before she’ll marry the guy – would forget my birthday? So it’s ended up being a birthweekend instead of a birthday. That’s ok sis, I won’t tell too many people who it was… And I’ll do what I can to make sure I remember the correct date for your birthday on February 6th. ;)

On to a different note, I ran the other day! Ok, it was only 5 steps (4 too many), and normally, they would hardly be called running, but for someone who recently damaged his knee and everything around it, spent two weeks on crutches, still doesn’t have the full range of motion in his knee, can’t sit with his leg in one position for more than 10 minutes, and is working at building strength back to normal, it’s a pretty big deal. Running isn’t really an option yet, but apparently cycling is really good for healing and strengthening knees so I’ve been doing quite a lot of that. The other day I got on my bike and started driving. I got to a point I thought would be a good halfway mark and turned around for the return trip – only to realize I was now going uphill and against wind! It was great! “Don’t push yourself to hard” kept resounding in my head and I kept saying “I don’t care! I’m sick of this problem and I’m doing everything I can to fix it!” After arriving home, I checked a map and found I had just put on 15 km. Many people wouldn’t do this in full health so I felt pretty good that I could do it with a bad knee. The amazing thing is that I wasn’t sore from the bike ride! It’s been raining a lot since then and I’ve been really busy, so I haven’t been able to do as much, but I did 10 km on the exercise bike yesterday. I’m hoping for good weather tomorrow so I can do the real thing again. It’s kind of like the whole Coke/Pepsi debate... why would I use an exercise bike when a real bike down a great trail is an option? Just like I could drink a Pepsi or I could go with the real thing. The copy-cat does something, but it’s just not the same.

Changing seasons...

Last week of winter!!!!!!

I had physio again today and was told to go to the beach after the treatment. Something about lying in the sun on the sand is apparently good for healing knees…or at least that’s the story I’d like to go with; but since I know none of you will actually believe that version, I’ll tell the whole story.

As soon as I stepped out the door this morning, I realized that physiotherapy was not the best place for me today. It was 25 degrees with pure, bright sunshine – in my humble Canadian opinion, an absolutely perfect summer day. As I was getting the physio treatment, I commented that I should be at the beach instead of in there. “I reckon you should go” was the response of my physiotherapist. So, under the advice of a medical professional, I went. I wasn’t sure how my knee would hold up to the walk in the soft sand, but it held up quite well. I think it was actually good for it to use more muscles than are needed for walking on a straight surface. I was only there for a short time, but it was good.

I’ve been working hard at getting back into a proper healthy state and I’ve been getting better. I was put on a machine to work my leg muscles today. At first, it was set really light; aiming for around 25% of my maximum. After some discussion among the staff, it was decided that I should do the most I could without pain, so I went ahead with this. After about 30 reps with my damaged leg, I did a few with my strong leg – giving the weak one a break and providing a benchmark for comparison. With my left leg I was averaging around 200 (don’t know what units they were using) and I brought it up to 240 a couple of times. Knowing what that leg could do, I figured I could push harder with my right leg so under the watchful eye of the physiotherapist (and to her mild objection) I went from the previous 30-40 up to 80 and felt no pain. Took a short break and tried again. Being me, I couldn’t resist pushing it a little further, so I went as far as I could – 140. One last push – 170!!! I thought back to my childhood days and the frequent reminders from my mother “Don’t push yourself too hard.” Then I thought back to my dating and married days; “Don’t push yourself too hard.” Same comment coming from different women in response to my way of dealing with recovery from injury. I guess I don’t listen too well, cause I got the same comment today – and yesterday – and last week – and… I’ve lost track.

I had an MRI done a week ago today and got the results on Wednesday. The results basically said that everything around my knee was damaged – cartilage, muscle, bone (bruising only), tendons, all soft tissue. “You’ve done real well” was one comment I received in regard to the scan results. The official report stated that together with all the other damage, I had most likely completely torn my ACL – one of the key ligaments in the knee; and one that would require surgery to correct if it was in fact completely torn. I’ve been praying about this and have had some other people praying as well and I’ve noticed massive improvement. Basically, I’m doing too well for the ACL to be completely torn. I’m also doing better than I “should be” based on the rest of the damage that was done. It’s not normal for people with so much damage done to be doing as well as I am now. I haven’t been instantly healed, but answer to prayer is the only explanation for my recovery so far.

So that’s where things are at for the time being… 4 days of winter left! Forecast… sunshine and highs of 27, 22, 25, 23 (or something like that) What a way to end winter!!!!!!!!

Breaking news...so breaking, it hasn't even happened yet!

I think things have progressed far enough for me to tell people about this… Over the last number of months, I’ve been working on something and have gone from thinking it would happen to thinking it wouldn’t, back to thinking it would, and thinking it wouldn’t. At one point, it looked like it had completely fallen through and then I found another option and started working on that one. Again I went through the cycle of it happening, then not happening a few times. At this point, it looks like barring major unforeseen changes, the cycle is done and it’s happening.

So, what is “it”? Some more travelling, some physical labour, a number of immunizations, meeting a bunch of new people, giving up some holiday time, and experiencing something that could change my life. I’m finalizing plans to spend a few weeks in Africa. I’m looking at going to Uganda to help with a building project for Watoto from January 3 to 17th. I’m planning to join a group from another church in Australia for this. If it does happen, I’m also hoping to go see a girl I’ve been sponsoring for the last number of years in Uganda… and I may be able to get a layover in Johannesburg to see some friends whom I met in college. It’s all a little scary but very exciting. I expect to have more solid plans in place sometime in September. Will keep you all posted.

Update

Is there a doctor in the world who knows what they’re talking about? Ok, so it’s a bit a harsh question, but I just wonder…when you get 5 different opinions relating to the same problem from 4 different medical professionals, which one do you believe?

I was referred to someone who apparently is an amazing physiotherapist and I called there today to check into getting some treatment. I asked how soon after an injury I should start treatment and they said it should have started immediately. On the other extreme, I had an MD tell me to immobilize the leg for two weeks and then start considering some treatment and motion in it. I have the first appointment on Monday. I’m at a point of being physically able to walk (if you can call it walking) but I’ve also been told by a professional that with the ability I have so far, I’ll do more damage than good; so I’m still using the crutches.



On to another topic, it's been a while since I put any pictures up here, so I thought I should do some. I had some friends down for breakfast recently. Here are some pictures of that day.

They enjoyed the food and many of them helped clean up after eating - leaving me to take some pictures

Ok, I wasn't the only person taking pictures.

We played some games afterwards and certain people got really excited...

While other's slept.

the "Kneeded" healing is coming...

I’m definitely taking steps in the right direction. I’ve taken some down, some up, (the stairs) and some across the room. None backward; all forward. I took a few steps in public yesterday and because of my inability to walk normally, I faced 5 minutes of ridicule in addition to the names I’ve been called in the last week – Gimpy, Tripod, Hoppy, and a few others. Ok, it was all friendly jabs from friends. Many people (mostly guys) have asked what I would do if they kicked my knee; to which my general reply is simply a swift upward swinging motion of a crutch from the floor towards a certain part of their body. 80% of communication is non-verbal. Well, this morning, I decided to go a little further. I made it down the stairs, to the kitchen, and back up the stairs to my room carrying the crutches at my side. I did go to the arena the other day. I probably would have fit in quite well using one skate, but I didn’t want to take a chance of falling, so I had some good laughs from the sidelines instead.

By my standards, it’s taking way too long to heal, but from the medical perspective, I’m ahead of schedule. Clearly the power of God working in my body!

Update - I'm "lagging" behind

It’s been six days and I’m not walking yet. The swelling is down and the pain is much less, but there’s a long ways to go yet. I’ve been able to take a few very careful steps but any time I put more than about half my weight on the leg it hurts. I’m supposed to be going skating tonight for a friend’s birthday party. It’s sad to think that the Canadian in the group can’t even get onto the ice and show the poor Aussies how it’s meant to be done. I haven’t decided yet if I’ll go to the arena and just sit around or if I’ll wait for later in the evening when the whole group is coming to my house. Wish I could be active.

Ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I tried so hard to get some sympathy with my last post, but to no avail, so I decided to try again. The weather has been improving and the other day we actually broke the 20 degree mark for a daytime high. One person I know commented on that day that it’s good to finally be in double digits. Huh???

So I was out enjoying some of our improved weather and meeting some more people in a friendly game of soccer. I jumped for a header and when I landed, the ground was not the same as I expected. My foot slipped, and I collapsed to the ground. I looked at my knee and found something was not right. From my angle, I saw the top of my leg looking normal, a sharp shift at the knee, and then a continued straight line to my foot. From the back, the other guys saw what looked like a large lump on the back of my leg. My knee was out of joint by about 1 ½ inches. As I screamed in pain, the guys gathered around and prayed, then one of them slowly straightened my leg and it popped back into place. I could feel it move, and all of us could see it. So it’s back in place now, but there is some soft tissue damage around the knee so I can’t walk yet and it’s all sore and swollen. A friend has some crutches that he’s lending to me, but It’s a challenge to get around. I also can’t drive my car so I need to find another way of getting places like church and school. On the other hand, I can pray for complete healing and let God fix the rest of the damage. As of right now, I’m sitting on the couch keeping my leg somewhat elevated. One of the weird things about this is that usually I’m the one helping people, and now I’m receiving help. It's only been a few hours and I hate it already! I even have to limit my social schedule because of this!!! ;)

It's cold!!!!!!!!!!

Just thought some of you might like to know...


I got to my car on Sunday morning and the windows were all covered in frost! It seems nobody had sympathy on my when I said I could see my breath one morning (I actually received at least one email calling me names for my claims of feeling cold); but this is extreme!!!!!! To have frost on your car windows is just not the way things are meant to be. I'm in Australia after all; and we all know Australia never gets cold. Not only that; it's July and all good Canadians know July is not prime frost time. In fact, July is the only month of the year that I have never seen snow on the ground (mountains excluded). Will somebody please feel sorry for me? Please!!!!!???

ok, fine. Just thought I'd put a smile on the faces of some people reading this. Hope you are all doing great! I'm getting ready to start classes again. We've got just over 200 new students starting this week and I'm helping with enrolment tomorrow. Should be good.

NEWS FLASH!!!!

As I was writing this, a segment came on the radio saying that this is the coldest morning Sydney has seen in 20 year - and the forecast for tomorrow is colder than today. We are a full 4 degrees below average for this time of year!

Out with the old...In with the new...

I brought Ryan and Amy to the airport today. Another housemate, Stephen, came along too. We stopped along the way for one last meal together and then went on the airport. It must have looked like quite something for Stephen and me to get into the car after saying farewell; two grown men in tears… Oh well, real men do cry! There are a lot of people leaving in the next couple of weeks and hundreds of new students are starting a new life of their own. It’s hard to say goodbye to close friends but it has to be done, and we have a couple of great guys moving into our house in the next couple of weeks. We look back fondly on the memories we have, but we cannot dwell on the loss we are experiencing. Boy, after my last couple of years of letting go of people closest to me – some till the day I die, and others for unknown durations – you’d think I’d know how to do it well; but it seems to be quite the opposite. I guess it confirms for me that I am able to develop close relationships – a good sign of healing from grief after being widowed.

So I now have over a week off and I have not found any good plans for a vacation, so I guess I’ll be staying home and trying to make good use of my time off. Anyone who knows me knows that I get really bored and restless after more than a couple of days with nothing to do, so I’ll have to find something.